Remembering Ti`ti

There are some people who you encounter in life that you will never forget. Yolanda Denise Casalan, better known as Ti`ti was one of those people. Born the oldest of seven children she was my father’s oldest sister and my grandmother’s first child. My first memories of her were when I was a young girl. I remember her presence being very exciting because she had such a vibrant personality and always had a way of entertaining a crowd. Of all my three aunts she never allowed us to call her Aunt Yolanda or Niecey as her siblings did, to us her name was Ti`ti and nothing else. You see, Ti`ti comes from the word Tia which means aunt in Spanish, and that’s how she preferred to be addressed. I remember her laughing at me sometimes when I would call her Aunt Ti`ti because technically I was calling her “Aunt” twice.
Ti`ti had a special love for children. She had two sons of her own, a grandson, and a host of nieces and nephews. Even though she didn’t come out much she made sure she sent things to us expressing her love, and by throwing several slumber parties in which all of my cousins would go to and be spoiled rotten by her. Even though she was much fun and seemed to have much energy, I always noticed there was something peculiar about her. For one she wasn’t like the rest of my aunts. There is no denying that our genetic background contained full figured women, however she was very thin. Another is while staying at her house and eating breakfast I noticed she’d take a host of medications in the morning. She had trouble gaining weight and she would spend several weeks at a time in and out of the hospital. Every time she went I would over hear my family saying she has pneumonia, or the flu. I remember the day she finally came out to a family barbeque at my house, and having to be rushed to the emergency room shortly after. It was then that I was determined to figure out what was wrong with my aunt. I gathered all the courage I had, and asked my mother.
“Your aunt has HIV honey, a disease that causes her to get sick very easily, because her body is not strong enough to fight off the germs.” My mother had explained to me. I don’t think at that time I was fully aware of how serious the disease was until years came and I was able to gain some background knowledge on it from school and other research. As I got older I began to question secretly to myself how she could have possibly contracted the disease and how she managed to smile and be so happy. I was able to have that opportunity in one of my last but greatest memories with my aunt the night she threw what she had called a “Slumber Extravaganza.” All of my cousins and my siblings were there as she had fast food and pizza catered to our hungry needs. She had played games with us told us stories and managed to put everyone to sleep. Everyone else had fallen asleep except me, giving me the opportunity to talk to my aunt. She explained to me that she lived a reckless lifestyle when she was younger, and that a lot of choices she made from the past resulted in the disease she had been suffering from. She also told me that even though she isn’t as healthy as she use to be, she doesn’t let the sickness discourage her but yet uses it as her drive to get through each day. I was so inspired. I fell asleep in her arms that night content that we were able to talk about that matter.
From there on out I entered High School as a very active student which allowed less time for me to make with my aunt. In between that time she spent several trips back and forth to the hospital as well. I knew I loved Ti`ti, but I think I was entirely to acquainted with the news of her going in and getting out , that I just assumed it would always happen that way. However I was wrong. On January 18, 2007 my aunt died. I remember her being in the hospital quite some time and the family beginning to feel worried. I remember coming home from school and getting the phone call hearing the pain in my father’s voice and all the commotion in the background. I burst out into tears of sadness, rage, and emptiness. Thoughts began spinning through my mind of how I should’ve made more time, or done some things a little differently. My Ti`ti was really gone. I remember going to her funeral. Completely unequipped to experience what I did. My father held my hand at the viewing and in the end; he needed more ushering than I did. Seeing all her brothers and sisters, especially crying like that, just broke my heart. This woman was loved by so many.
Although it has been two and a half years since the anniversary of her death, it still feels fresh in my mind. I loved my Ti`ti undeniably so. I remember telling my mother how I resented not making more time for her. My mother reassured me that I made all the time I could for her and that Ti`ti would be proud of me. And a lot of my motivation comes from her. She always told me to never make excuses for myself, always reach for the highest mountain. She told me that the things of her past resulted in her what she had went through later in life. I learned that even though she went through that she never expected any one to feel bad for her, or let alone treat her differently. She told me if she had to die she would feel complete as long as she lived to see her second grandson, and her fiftieth birthday, each of which she was able to do. There isn’t a moment that goes by, of when I don’t think of her. I truly loved this woman and gained some insight from her as well. I will carry out her memory for our next generations to come, and celebrate her for she was truly something special to have encountered in one’s life time. In memory of my beautiful aunt, words will not express the pain I felt the day she left us. I appreciate the memories she’s given me, and I will cherish them for a lifetime. I am so thankful to have had a wonderful aunt like my Ti`ti.